


the memories you want to forget are hostages

by NinthFeather



Category: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni | Higurashi When They Cry
Genre: (only this time it's canon), (slaps Higurashi Gou) we can fit so much upsetting stuff in this!, Character Study, Characters watch the show, Dysfunctional Relationships, Episode Related, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Invasion of Privacy, Lack of Communication, Obsessive Behavior, Satokowashi-hen (Higurashi no Naku Koro ni), Satokowashi-hen Part 5 | Episode 22 (Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Gou), Time Loop, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, emotional detachment, non-sexual voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29943084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinthFeather/pseuds/NinthFeather
Summary: Rika struggles. Satoko watches.
Relationships: (onesided), Furude Rika/Houjou Satoko
Kudos: 13





	the memories you want to forget are hostages

**Author's Note:**

> Introspection fic for Higurashi Gou ep. 22. Title from [Releska’s translation](https://vocaloidlyrics.fandom.com/wiki/%E4%BA%BA%E8%B3%AA%E4%BA%A4%E6%8F%9B_\(Hitojichi_Koukan\)) of the Deco*27 song [“We The Hostages,”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aznM4XGA45I) which fits the Gou version of Satoko and Rika well.
> 
> Mind those tags, yeah?
> 
> Thanks to [FabHawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabHawk/pseuds/FabHawk) for the beta and also for getting me into Higurashi in the first place.

Watching Rika’s loops was a revelation.

This was the missing piece, the source of the distance that had opened up between her and her best friend over time. She’d never traced it back to June 1983, but now, it was so obvious.

She watched as Rika sobbed and fought and resigned herself and gathered the courage to fight again. There were moments when Satoko almost felt sorry for her. But then she remembered the way Rika abandoned her at Saint Lucia’s, the coldness in her eyes as she dismissed her in favor of her new friends, and those feelings faded into nothing.

Now, she knew the story behind her friend’s frigid dismissals. She saw Rika removing herself from the rest of her friends, placing herself apart, forcing herself to care less and less just to survive. It made sense, it explained how she’d survived so many loops without losing her mind, and it made Satoko _sick._ She didn’t really even think of them as people anymore, did she? They were just objects to be saved. She cared about them, sure, but in the way that one cared about favorite toys or books. She forgot that they could do things themselves. She forgot that they were _real_.

Satoko would remind her.

She watched her friend struggle through June after June, lying to Satoko’s face whenever she noticed Rika’s distress and hiding behind childish behavior. She’d stay up drinking and contemplating her impending death, confiding in the being that gave her the power to loop, while Satoko slept on oblivious. 

_Liar_.

Eventually, she came to a loop in which Satoko made it into the basement of the Irie Clinic. Satoshi was there. Satoko couldn’t help wondering if Rika knew about this.

Satoko was distantly aware that the girl she’d been before would have abandoned all of her plans upon learning that her brother was alive. Now it just sort of tugged in her chest a bit, like the feeling of seeing a sad headline in the news but not really knowing anyone involved. She’d already mourned Satoshi. What would she even do if he woke up? Would he understand how important it was for her to get Rika to stay in Hinamizawa, or would he want to leave too? 

No, Satoshi was secondary. She could find him whenever she needed to. She needed to focus on Rika, on getting her to see sense and stay in Hinamizawa.

These memories were the key, she was sure of it. 

So she watched. Her friends murdered each other, her town was wiped off the map, her best friend lost hope, and she watched.

**Author's Note:**

> In the Higurashi manga, we're told about how looping takes a mental toll--that humans may be able to repeat time endlessly when given the ability, but their minds still have limits. Satoko has gone through all of Rika's loops in addition to several of her own. I don't think she's quite her best self at this point (as evidenced by, uh, most of Satoko's actions toward Rika in recent episodes). I also wanted to explore why Satoko saw her "nii-nii" and still chose to continue fixating on Rika and revenge, when the pre-looping Satoko would've probably acted quite differently.
> 
> Please feel free to let me know if there's a warning I've missed, and leave a review if you'd like. Thanks for reading. :)


End file.
